Iris learned a new word this week. Bittersweet. It’s a sentiment most of the family shared, as we were all happy to see dad pass from his immobile state of existence onto something better. And we are all happy that I am released of my obligations in Missouri and able to move back to Alaska. But oh, have we enjoyed the past several years on the farm. Iris got to know her cousins and I had fun with my sisters and brothers. It was a serene life, caring for dad and Iris, planting garden, mindfully de-constructing mom’s flower beds, watching the cows raise their calves, feeding the three little piggies. And even though I would grumble about having to stay in “Misery” and was anxious to return north, I must’ve convinced myself in the last couple of months that we’d be there for a while yet. Not only convinced myself of it, but was looking forward to it in some regards. On the other hand, I was depressed thinking about being there over the holidays again. Weird, I know.

We all noticed the decline in dad but I had cried wolf so many times to my siblings that I was afraid to say anything. On Friday, his nurses said he didn’t seem quite right, not his usual self. Yeah, I noticed it to, but he’d been having so many little ups and downs that I didn’t think anything of it. After his Saturday morning pancakes, he complained of nerve pain that his regular pain medicine didn’t alleviate so I gave him some morphine and he slept away the afternoon. I went to visit a friend of mine and he didn’t know I’d been gone. After the nightly ritual, I gave him another dose of morphine and told him goodnight and rest well. Morning came and he wasn’t awake at his usual time, so I put his medicine on his table. He looks peaceful, I thought. I went about my business – making coffee cake dough for Kafe und Kuchen later, checked on him a couple times. I convinced myself that I saw his chest move the first time or two but after that I was beginning to question it. There have been so many times over the years that we’d look in there, and, well, he’d look dead. Wait a couple seconds and then, oh yeah, there’s the breath. Anyway, he looked peacefully asleep. Iris got up about an hour later and I told her we’d have to check on him. I tried to get her to feel him but she wasn’t falling for it. Instead she made loud noises to try and wake him up. Nothing. Finally I touched his arm. Cold. Face, even colder. “Oh wow, Iris, he’s really dead this time. I need to make some phone calls.” With an undertone of excitement, Iris says, “Does that mean we get to go to Alaska today?!” Over the next couple hours, as siblings trickled in, she could be heard chanting and singing, “We’re going to Alaska today!” She informed everyone as they came in, “Grandpa’s dead. We’re going to Alaska.” She even told Uncle Tim that he could have the house now. I finally told her that we couldn’t actually leave that very day, so by the time the undertaker arrived she was telling him that we’re going to Alaska tomorrow.

I honestly thought that we’d be “assholes and elbows” out of Missouri right after the funeral. But about six weeks ago I had the thought, that since Iris and I are getting our passports, maybe we could drive to Alaska if the timing was right. Sure enough, in those moments after discovery, mind racing in all different directions, oh shit! Our passports aren’t in yet! That was one reason for our delay. The second reason was getting the car road-ready. During the week of delay, Iris had time to think about the fact that she had been enjoying herself in Missouri as well and that she’d be leaving behind her friends (cousins, actually). Hence, the “bittersweet” explanation. On the morning we were leaving, she had one last goodbye and informed me upon driving away that she was not feeling bittersweet, she was bitter. (Don’t worry, she got over it.)

Finally, on Tuesday, July 23, after making one last stop at the Chevy dealership to resolve some recalls, we rolled out of Southeast Missouri and rolled into southwest Missouri to stop for the night in Springfield. I wanted to see Bass Pro Shop’s Wonders of Wildlife Museum and Aquarium. We were definitely WOWed. Iris wanted to hurry through the Museum part to get to the aquarium so I didn’t spend as much time in there as I’d have liked. The whole place is very family friendly and at the end there was a giant circular stingray tank, with the creatures in constant motion, swimming round and round, and you can pet a stingray. All I could think was, Isn’t this what killed Steve Irwin? Ha! They also employed some very cool technology to project a huge screen with an ocean backdrop. Then, they had coloring sheets with several different types of fish. When you finished coloring, you took it to the kindly gentleman at the computer who scanned the document and about a second later, your colored fish popped up on the screen! It was pretty cool!

On the road again! Looking at the map, I decided we could probably make it to Dodge City, KS that night. The old west town made me think of dad and his westerns we listened to for the past three years. Shoulda buried him on Boot Hill.

Today is my birthday and I can’t think of a better way to spend it than driving across the country with Iris, playing a game called “How likely is it?”

Iris: How likely is it that the corn will grow into the road and lift up our car?

Me: I’d say that’s extremely unlikely, impossible even.

Iris: That’s correct, my friend.

We are headed to Manitou Springs, Colorado tonight and will be there for the next couple of days.